In a candid, nearly three-hour conversation on The Echo Podcast, one of Nigeria’s most outspoken sexual health educators, Yeside Olayinka-Agbol popularly known as Olori Coitus dropped truth bombs that could save countless marriages.
For the uninitiated, Olori is the Yoruba word for queen, and Coitus is the Latin word for sex. Put them together, and you have the Queen of Sex Education a title she wears with both grace and grit.
With a background in public health, a master’s degree in human sexuality, and over a decade of experience shaping health policy, Olori Coitus is not your average relationship coach. She is a researcher, a disease investigator, a former STI prevention specialist, and a woman on a mission to help African couples heal through healthy intimacy.
In this exclusive feature for Just4WomenAfrica, we unpack the most powerful lessons from her conversation with the podcast host.
The Unspoken Truth: Sexual Dissatisfaction Is a Top Cause of Marital Conflict
“About 40 to 50% of married people globally are sexually unsatisfied. Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the top three unspoken reasons for marital conflict. When you say top three, it’s actually top two.”
Olori Coitus didn’t mince words. She explained that most people think sex is just a physical act. But in reality, sexual dissatisfaction is almost always a symptom of emotional dissatisfaction.
“You are not connecting emotionally. That lack of connection trickles down to the physical. But we latch on to the physical and think that is the problem. It’s just an indication.”
For many African couples, the silence around sex is deafening. Parents don’t talk about it. Pastors whisper about it. And married people suffer alone, thinking something is wrong with them.
Foreplay Starts at 6:30 AM — Not in the Bedroom
One of the most striking statements from the interview was this:
“A lot of people think that foreplay starts in the bedroom when you start physically touching. But foreplay starts at 6:30 AM when you woke up.”
According to Olori Coitus, intimacy is built long before the lights go out. It begins with:
- A warm “good morning”
- A six-second kiss before leaving for work
- Non-sexual touches throughout the day
- Checking in emotionally, not just administratively
She introduced a powerful concept: admin talk vs. connection talk.
“Even when communicating, a lot of the communication is admin. ‘Have you bought lights? Could you pick up eggs? Did you pay for this?’ We consider that communication. We have not connected.”
Her prescription? A 10-minute daily check-in where each partner shares:
- How their day really went
- What their high and low moments were
- How they are feeling emotionally
“Communication is lubrication.”
The Curse of the Phone: How Technology Kills Intimacy
Olori Coitus pointed out a painful irony: we are the most connected generation in history, yet we are starving for connection.
“Most people get up and the first thing they do is reach for their phones. Even before they say thank you, Lord, good morning.”
She described a typical evening for many couples:
“You are sitting in the same physical space, but you are not emotionally present. Someone is watching reels. Someone is reading news. You are both disconnected.”
Her challenge to couples?
Put the phones down. Look at each other. Touch without agenda.
“What a lot of women complain about is that every time my partner touches me a certain way, I know that penetration is on the horizon. We need more physical touch that has no strings attached.”
Why African Parents Fail at Sex Education (And How to Break the Cycle)
“To the average African parent, sex education is something that devils do.”
Olori Coitus traced the problem back to childhood. She shared a story of a family member who started her period at age 10 and was never told anything by her mother except, “Now you can get pregnant, so be careful.”
She explained that sex education is not a one-time “talk.” It starts from age one or two, when you bathe your child and use anatomically correct words.
“You say: ‘We are washing your penis. We are rinsing your vulva.’ Not ‘your pee-pee,’ not ‘your thing.'”
She warned that children who are not taught properly will learn from the streets, from pornography, and from perverted sources.
“Comprehensive sex education does not increase sexual activity. Research shows it delays it. When children make informed decisions, they stick with them.”
The Orgasm Gap and Why Women Fake It
One of the most sobering statistics she shared:
“For every 100 times a man and woman have sex, the man will reach orgasm 90 to 95% of the time. The woman will reach orgasm only about 60% of the time.”
Yet women fake orgasms for several reasons:
- To protect their partner’s ego
- To end sex when they are tired
- Because they feel pressured to perform
“If you fake it, you are giving your partner the wrong formula. They will keep doing what doesn’t work, thinking it does.”
Her advice?
“You don’t have to have an orgasm every single time. Sex is not a performance. It is a connection. It is a journey. It is a buffet not just dessert.”
Does Size Matter? Here’s What the Science Says
When asked the age-old question, Olori Coitus gave a nuanced answer.
“It depends on who you ask. For some women, size matters. For others, it doesn’t.”
She noted that most women care more about girth (thickness) than length because girth provides fullness and better clitoral stimulation.
But her most important point?
“Skill is more important than size. Men with bigger penises often don’t work on their skills. Men who are average or smaller learn how to use their tools.”
She also introduced the ancient East African technique of Kyaza — using the penis to tap and stimulate the clitoral area without deep penetration.
“Your whole body is the tool, not just your penis.”
The Best Sex Position for Women’s Pleasure
According to Olori Coitus, the position most likely to help a woman reach orgasm is woman on top (cowgirl).
“It allows her to control the depth, the pace, the rhythm. It allows for better clitoral stimulation. And it frees up the man’s hands to touch her body.”
She also challenged the dominance of the “missionary position,” noting its historical roots in colonial-era religious teachings that promoted female passivity.
“Before the missionaries came, other positions like doggy style were more popular. Missionary became popular because it kept women passive.”
Does Okra Water Help with Lubrication? (And Other Myths)
Olori Coitus debunked the viral trend of drinking okra water for better vaginal lubrication.
“Okra water is mostly water. It hydrates you. But the slime does not travel from your mouth to your vagina. Stomach acid breaks it down.”
Her actual advice for dryness?
- Drink more water (2–3 liters daily)
- Use lubricant — no shame in it
- Check your hormones (cycle phase, pregnancy, breastfeeding)
- Address arousal discordance (mind is ready, body isn’t)
“If you are sexually active, you should have at least one type of lubricant within arm’s reach of your bed. We use tools to make life easier. Why is sex any different?”
How to Combat Premature Ejaculation
For men struggling with premature ejaculation, Olori Coitus offered several practical steps:
- Delay penetration as long as possible
- Do pelvic floor (Kegel) exercises
- Practice “edging” — stopping stimulation just before the point of no return, then resuming
- Communicate with your partner so she understands what’s happening
“The average time between penetration and ejaculation is 2 to 5 minutes. That is normal. Porn has lied to you.”
She also emphasized:
“Even if you ejaculate in 2 minutes, you can continue to pleasure your partner with your hands, your mouth, your words. Sex doesn’t end when you ejaculate.”
Parting Words for Struggling Couples
When asked for her top three pieces of advice for couples struggling with intimacy, Olori Coitus said:
1. Clear out the emotional clutter.
“What are the things on the brakes of your intimacy? Resentment, unspoken hurt, exhaustion, lack of appreciation. Address those first.”
2. Understand the seasons of your body.
“Where is your body at right now? Postpartum? Perimenopausal? Stressed from work? Be kind to yourself and your partner.”
3. Start small.
“Remember when you were dating? Holding hands was a big deal. A kiss didn’t have to lead to sex. Go back there. Small small small.”
Final Thoughts: Let Pleasure Be the Measure
Olori Coitus left listeners with a powerful mantra from sex educator Emily Nagoski:
“Let pleasure be the measure. It is not about how many times you have sex. It is about how much you enjoy it every single time.”
For African women, especially those raised to be silent about their bodies and desires, this message is revolutionary.
You are allowed to enjoy sex.
You are allowed to ask for what you want.
You are allowed to say no when you’re not in the mood.
You are allowed to use lube, to take your time, and to prioritize your pleasure.
As Olori Coitus would say: “You are the queen of sex in your own relationship.”
Source: The Echo Podcast – YouTube
