The tradition of bride price, also known as “lobola” or “dowry” in some African cultures, has long been regarded as a symbol of honor and respect. However, as societies evolve, questions arise about the relevance and impact of this practice. Critics argue that bride price perpetuates harmful stereotypes and imposes significant burdens on individuals and families. This article examines why many believe it is time to move beyond this age-old tradition in favor of more equitable practices.
1. Commodification of Women
Bride price often reduces women to objects of exchange. By placing a monetary or material value on a bride, the practice perpetuates the idea that women are commodities to be bought and sold. This dehumanizing perspective undermines the dignity and autonomy of women.
2. Financial Burden on Men
The high demands for bride price can place an enormous financial strain on grooms and their families. In some cases, men are forced to take on debts or delay marriage to meet these expectations. This economic pressure can lead to resentment and strain on the relationship even before the marriage begins.
3. Perpetuation of Gender Inequality
Bride price reinforces patriarchal norms that view women as subordinate to men. The exchange often symbolizes a transfer of ownership from the bride’s family to the groom’s family, perpetuating inequality in the marital relationship.
4. Encourages Exploitation and Abuse
In some cases, the payment of bride price is used to justify mistreatment of women. Some men believe that paying a bride price gives them the right to control or abuse their wives, as they have “paid” for them. This mindset undermines efforts to promote gender equality and protect women’s rights.
5. Hinders Love-Based Marriages
Bride price often shifts the focus of marriage from love and mutual respect to financial transactions. This can lead to marriages that are more about fulfilling cultural obligations than building a genuine partnership based on emotional connection.
6. Limits Women’s Freedom
The expectation of bride price can make it difficult for women to leave abusive or unhappy marriages. Some families may pressure women to stay because returning the bride price is seen as a shameful act or financially impossible. This traps women in harmful situations.
7. Discourages Modernization and Progress
As African societies evolve, many traditional practices, including bride price, are becoming less relevant. Continuing this tradition can hinder efforts to modernize and embrace more progressive values that promote equality and personal freedom.
Addressing the Path Forward
While some argue that bride price is a valuable cultural practice, it is essential to question its role in a rapidly changing world. Abolishing bride price does not mean abandoning African heritage; rather, it is about adapting cultural traditions to align with modern values of equality, respect, and human rights.
Conclusion
Bride price, while deeply rooted in tradition, has significant drawbacks that cannot be ignored. Its continuation perpetuates gender inequality, financial strain, and the commodification of women. By ending this practice, African societies can take a crucial step toward promoting gender equality, empowering women, and fostering marriages built on love and mutual respect.
Honor and respect or ‘bought and sold’.
Dowry as dehumanizing? A husband in the west will often buy a piece of jewellery or a very expensive ring for his bride. Is this dehumanising? No. Perhaps the issue is the fact that parts of the dowry goes to the family of the bride and not just the bride herself.
As for the financial burden on men, it can be viewed differently. How many times have we heard of women selling their gold to get their family out of debt or to invest in a business venture. If the man and woman have chosen each other wisely, then this is no burden it is an investment in their marriage. Financial burdens arise when one or more partners have no financial literacy or prudence.
Which inequality will removing the dowry address? Will it address the unequal distribution of domestic work and childcare between two working parents? I think not.
If a man resents the dowry system so much that he will abuse and control his wife, he should marry a
woman from a different culture or one that does not want a dowry. However, I suspect that the abusive and controlling type of man does not need the excuse of the dowry to be himself.
The transactional nature of some relationships is an issue of poverty mindset, not the dowry itself. There is a socialisation inbalance in how girls and young women are trained to seek and prepare for marriage, but boys and young men are not encouraged in the same way. Envision a culture where from age 16 a young man was ‘trained’ in how to choose a partner, how to be a husband and shown what preparations he should make. We might not be having this discussion.
It is usually religious teaching underpinning marriage and lack of financial independence
that makes it difficult for wives to leave abusive marriages. All the more reason why the dowry should be bestowed only on the wife not the family.
The notion that traditional Afrikan culture does not embrace respect, equity or human rights is to look with a colonial lens. I suggest we look back at the roots of the dowry system before capitalism took our eyes. There are monetary excesses today that can be eradicated. The idea is to set up a young woman with the resources to make a home for herself and her husband and to feel honored and respected. That cannot be a bad thing.